Friday Fiction – Ascent – 20/20 Hines Sight

As Miriam climbed the grassy staircase she could feel the eyes burning holes in her back. She heard whispers, but couldn’t make out what was said.

Slowly ascending the stoney staircase, Miriam realized she would never return. She hesitated and was knocked off balance by a burst of wind that instructed her to continue the ascent.

When she reached the top it was waiting for her. She climbed in, shut the door, and wiped her eyes. Suddenly, she felt a sense of weightlessness; and the village and its inhabitants looked smaller than ever. Soon the village disappeared beneath the clouds.

This is a Friday Fictioneers prompt and is based off of the photo below. Please feel free to share constructive criticism.

PHOTO PROMPT – Copyright –Björn Rudberg

14 thoughts on “Friday Fiction – Ascent”

Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. This whimsical fantasy is very atmospheric; nice job.

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Sounds like an intriguing village. I would love to read this made into a short story/novel.

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20/20 Hines Sight

January 4, 2015 at 10:50 pm Reply

Thanks Anne for stopping by. I’m glad you see potential there for a longer piece of work. My mother says she wants more, but I don’t see anything else. Perhaps one day it will come to me.

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- ahtdoucette
  
  January 5, 2015 at 1:27 pm
  
  All in good time, I’m sure. 🙂
  
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Nice writing. It goes well with the picture.

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20/20 Hines Sight

January 3, 2015 at 2:17 pm Reply

Thanks Elaine. Glad you enjoyed and thanks to Bjorn for the inspiration.

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Dear 20/20,

Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. Looks like a bit of a fantasy. Nicely done.

Shalom,

Rochelle

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20/20 Hines Sight

January 3, 2015 at 2:20 pm Reply

Thanks Rochelle for the welcome. It’s been a long time since I’ve done a Friday Fictioneers. I think the story could fall into so many different genres. I think I’m going to have to explore some of them.

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I like both the story and the photo. It’s short and thought-provoking. Now I feel like I need to go write for a while…

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20/20 Hines Sight

January 3, 2015 at 2:24 pm Reply

Thanks Penny for stopping by. I’m glad you enjoyed the story. Yes, write. It’s so rewarding.

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I like the story. It says a lot in few words. There is a typo,though – “knocked office balance” should be “knocked off balance”. Not a big, I just had to reread to make sure i didn’t miss something….

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20/20 Hines Sight

January 2, 2015 at 6:33 pm Reply

Glad you liked it.

Thanks for catching it. I read it several times and read it as off. always helps to have a second pair of eyes

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- trentpmcd
  
  January 2, 2015 at 6:34 pm
  
  I make plenty of typos and when I see them they always take me by surprise. “What, the letters must have changed, I read it million times!”
  
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- 20/20 Hines Sight
  
  January 2, 2015 at 6:39 pm
  
  It’s a conspiracy. It has to be.
  
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