Ready to Give Up, But Can’t

***Forgive my ramblings as this post just came off a phone call from my doctor.

It’s been a year since I had my last surgical breast biopsy and the results came back benign, but I’m still considered high risk for developing breast cancer. Yay me! Since then I’ve had two more mammograms that showed what they hope are calcium deposits. Now my boobie doctor wants me to have an MRI mammogram. I’ve come to the conclusion that my boob is going to fall off because of all the radiation.

I’m really glad that my medical team is super aggressive because if left up to me, I’m sure I would have given up a year and half ago. Thanks guys and gals for your constant badgering (bordering on harassment). 

It’s frustrating going back and forth to the doctor for this test and that test. Then getting the phone call and having your heart jump into your throat when you see the number and the name on the caller ID is Dr. so-and-so, then to be told that your test result was inconclusive because of X, Y, & Z or they want to monitor what they hope is a calcium deposit for the next 3 months. Although it may sound like I’m complaining, I’m really not. I’m just tired and sometimes I want to say just lop the damn thing off.

I’ve grown up being poked and prodded for one thing or another. When I was a kid I was in and out of the hospital for asthma, so I take this in stride and on top of that I have a ton of prayer warriors on my side.

When I’m ready to give up I remember my grandmother who had a double mastectomy and my cousin who had a mastectomy a few years ago, a friend of mine last year had a double mastectomy and another friend is currently going through the same tests and biopsies and I can keep naming women that have gone through or are going through.

I feel like I’d be letting them down as well as the ones that come after me. And how do I tell the young girl I mentor that I gave up because I didn’t want to have another mammogram. That’s not setting a good example. So, if I don’t do it for me than do it for her, especially since African-American women don’t get early screening and are far more likely to be diagnosed late and succumb to breast cancer.

Oh well, off to make my MRI mammogram appointment.

**Love, Peace, & Hair Grease

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